Sisters mysteriously vanishing, experts baffled

Archive photograph of Sister Goldskimmer, MIA (image from Wowhead)

Sisters all across Azeroth are mysteriously vanishing, and experts have no idea why.

Novice night elf and Gilnean acolytes were confused when Sister Almyra did not show up to lead them through their traditional morning rituals, but assumed she was simply feeling unwell and went about their day. However, they soon noticed that another of their number, Sister Aquinne, was also missing.

A search of their homes revealed no sign of either priestess, and Darnassus authorities were notified. It was then discovered that Darnassians were not the only ones whose sisters had disappeared, as similar reports were filtering in from all across the planet.

In Westfall, it was Sentinel Hill soldier Sister Darnhald; in Azshara, Sister Goldspinner; in Shattrath, Wolf-Sister Maka. All sisters, all gone without a trace.

Oddly, the disappearances seem very specifically targeted, as only women siblings have been reported missing. Women without siblings seem completely unaffected, as do male siblings - other than being alarmed about the disappearance of their female kin, of course.

"This is totally weird, bro!" said investigator Horatio Laine, who isn't really an expert in these matters, but no one else had any ideas, so they figured calling on Laine couldn't do any more harm. "Why would someone make all these sisters, of different races, alignment and culture, all vanish?"

World leaders were immediately concerned that the vanishings might be a new form of attack by an Old God, the Burning Legion, or other such evil forces. However, careful scouting revealed that their sisters were vanishing as well. Howls of fear and loss echo throughout Icecrown as the Vrykul learn of their missing Njorndar Spear-Sisters, and chaos now reigns in the Black Temple after its occupants realized their masters of Pain and Pleasure were nowhere to be found.

"Was the strangest thing I ever seen, mon!" said Kro'janda, a troll hunter living in the Stonetalon Mountains. "I been trackin' a harpy, Riven, for da last week after she kill my boars. And I finally find her, get her all lined up for da killing shot...and den she just disappear! She didn't fly away, she didn't hide. I looked all aroun', and nothin'. She was just...gone."

"I just don't understand," said Laine, studying a genealogy textbook and dozens of family tree diagrams. "Why target just sisters? Why not brothers, too? It's almost as if someone was trying to erase sisters from history, or tell us that sisters don't exist. But who would do something as dumb as that?"

3 Responses Subscribe to comments

  1. gravatar
    K. White

    I want to say Blizzard is being ignorant again, but I'm cynical enough to think that was deliberate by this point...

    October 1, 2014 at 1:31 PM

  2. gravatar

    Saw that Blizz tweet on one of me rare trips ta the twitterverse and were gobstuckered. This be a nice response.

    October 2, 2014 at 9:12 AM

  3. gravatar

    I'm invisible, that's all there is to it. They're a giant company and they don't care whether I'm a customer or not.


    October 2, 2014 at 10:05 AM