[Gnews] Analyst says Horde poverty 'disappointing'

by Lexicon Quillsniffer

Recent sales figures have revealed a shocking rise in poverty among Horde citizens, according to investment cartel Hazard Capital Markets.

Overall Horde economic activity, which takes into account vendor sales, repairs, reagent purchases, and reforging/transmogrification charges, plummeted to an all-time low this week, said Hazard representative Trezno "Toll" Bagger.

"I just don't get it, you know?" said the worried goblin analyst. "Things have been steady for months now, hefty repair bills, cash liquidation of unwanted equipment, plenty of suckers, I mean, creative minds transmogging their gear...the gold's been rolling in! But all of a sudden, this week the profit well ran dry! Everyone's broke!!"

Orgrimmar's merchants have definitely noticed the drop in business, and share Bagger's concerns. "On a normal business day I take in well over 1000 gold in repair fees, but this week it's been a ghost town," said Kaja, a Bow & Rifle vendor in the Valley of Wisdom. "I mean, I fixed up some fledgling warrior's armor after an unfortunate fall off the elevator, but that's like, 17 copper. How am I supposed to live on that?!"

Local sales are down 95 percent from the previous week, a "shocking and disappointing" statistic that implies the Horde is in dire financial straits, said Bagger, who is concerned about the Horde's continued financial longevity.

However, Hazard's sales figures do not take foreign market activity into account, such as Horde purchases and expenses incurred overseas on the newly-discovered continent, Pandaria. When asked if Horde citizens were not broke, but instead simply spending their money on Pandaria rather than at home, Bagger scoffed.

"Don't be ridiculous, kid," said Bagger, rolling his eyes. "Those purchases aren't even worth mentioning. Who's spending money in some foreign dump - a dozen chumps? Two dozen? Waste of time even thinking about it. After all, why would people possibly spend hard-earned gold on amazing new goods and services available to them for the first time, rather than sticking with good old-fashioned traditional stuff that hasn't changed in years?"

"Trust me, I know what I'm talking about," Bagger added with a wink and a weak smile. "I'm an analyst."

2 Responses Subscribe to comments

  1. gravatar

    Oh God, that last line "I'm an analyst" is perfect!

    I've met people who think like that. They're almost always so far off the mark it borders on humorous.

    September 29, 2012 at 9:16 AM

  2. gravatar

    1) Lexicon Quillsniffer is my new go-to source for news
    2) Bagger might want to consider expanding into the foreign market - all the jobs are going overseas, buddy!

    October 6, 2012 at 7:00 AM