A Special Batch of Stormwind Brie [Letters]


Dear King Varian,

You will be pleased to know that the special shipment of Stormwind Brie you ordered has successfully arrived in the Twilight Highlands, as per your instructions. I received word this morning via my cheese network that all seven crates of this sharp, subtle delight were received very gratefully by our Wildhammer allies, who were likely in quite dire need of such a powerful snack.

I was somewhat surprised when you called me to the Keep to discuss your rather unique order, as we do not normally deliver our cheeses to locations that far distant from Stormwind. Granted, we do occasionally send a small package of Trias Cheese to faraway allies who are in desperate need of our unique mix of reliable nourishment and piquant flavor that our products provide, but only at great cost and in the most dire of hunger pangs.

Furthermore, our cheeses are most effective when served alone as a standalone, independent dish, and it sounded like you intended to send your order to join a wide assortment of other foodstuffs. A lone informant here, a traveling dignitary there...that is more our style - single meals rather than enormous banquets. I worried that amongst such varied company, our product's unique qualities would be diminished and wasted, and I told you as much.

However, after you explained the details of to whom you were sending this remarkable gift, and the full extent of what our cheese would be used for once it arrived in the Highlands, I fully agreed that some of Trias' Cheese's trademark product would indeed be the perfect gesture of support.

Once you had given me the full details of your order, I had my assistants go and fetch certain additional ingredients for this particular assignment, as this differed somewhat from our normal routine. After they rounded up the necessary components, I spent a long few days making final preparations, to ensure that the cheese was adequately prepared for the journey, as well as for the redistribution that was sure to ensue upon arrival.

From what I hear, the Wildhammers enjoyed the cheese at a war council, then immediately flew it via gryphon to the Grim Batol canyon, where our soldiers are firmly entrenched against Cho'Gall's Twilight Cultists. Clearly the Wildhammers determined that this hard, strong delicacy would be of the most benefit directly on the front lines, bolstering our exhausted Alliance forces.

As you know, I have a great deal of personal experience with this particular cheese, having carefully monitored, developed and honed its growth myself over my long career as Stormwind's Master of Cheeses. Let me assure you, my King, that those dwarves have never seen a cheese like this before. I consider it my finest work, and I doubt I shall ever surpass it. It's one of a kind.

I understand that our shipment's salty, bold zest had an immediate revitalizing effect on our troops, and thus fortified, they immediately pushed on towards the gates of Grim Batol, seizing command of the valley. Doubtless your majesty will be pleased to learn of these events, and that the battle swung in your favor as a direct result of your clever cheese-based strategem. It is just as well, really. That cheese was perfectly aged and ready for the right occasion - better to get it out to those who could use it, rather than have it sit around the shop growing stale!

After their triumph over the Twilight Cultists in the foothills around Grim Batol, my contacts inform me that cheese was then passed on to an elite squadron of Alliance soldiers, who were heading into the heart of Twilight-controlled territory to invite Cho'Gall himself to a special feast.

If I know anything about cheese (and I do), I suspect that at first, they will present the grotesque ogre overlord with some fancy, tantalizing fare that will catch his eye, and our quiet, innocuous-looking cheese will go initially unnoticed.

Of course, this will all change drastically when the creamy masterpiece enters the picture, with its unexpected bite and delightful acidity. I almost feel sorry for Cho'Gall - his poor senses will never know what hit him! I'm sure he'll feel quite ambushed by the gastronomic assault.

This concludes my bill and record of delivery. Transportation costs and any other miscellaneous expenses have been tallied below, taking into account the throne's usual discount, sponsorship assistance, and standard gratuity.

It is always a pleasure doing business with you, my liege. If the kingdom is ever in need of another custom order of our specialty cheese, you know where to find us.

We look forward to your patronage in the future.

Yours,
Stormwind's Master of Cheese



Show/Hide Letter Notes

Even as a Horde player, I love awesome espionage flavor of Elling Trias' cheese shop and its shadowy connections with SI:7. As a rookie player, I found the cheese shop bizarrely out of place, until I later learned what it really was, at which point I thought it was fantastic. Who suspects a CHEESE SHOP of being a spy network front? It's so amusing, yet clever.

I found it very fun that Alliance players got to team up with the infamous Mathias Shaw in Twilight Highlands, so I was poking around with some Letter concepts when this idea struck me. I am highly entertained by how obviously transparent it is, and yet really, it's so in line with the whole cheese shop thing, isn't it? And as funny as the original concept was, I thought it would be even better if Elling really wasn't that good at disguising his "coded" messages to Varian. I contemplated making it SUPER obvious, like "the cheese wants a vacation after this" but I thought that would be pushing it a little too far.

I also didn't go too much into genuine cheese terms, as it felt really weird describing "the cheese" in terms of its milk/fat content, shape or smell.

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    Anonymous

    Not as into this as I was into Neptulon. However, I very much like the idea of SI:7 getting involved with the populace of Stormwind. A friend and I were recently discussing the abundance of SI:7 related quests after Cataclysm, actually, and he posits that this it's a reflexive measure: Stormwind just can't afford to keep up a huge army anymore, and has taken to using subtle, dirty, black Ops methods of fighting.

    Basically, Stormwind is America.

    Kinda weird that I should see this post after that discussion, anyways. Enjoyed reading it!

    November 8, 2011 at 7:47 PM