Oh, Deer! [Letters]

(This scroll of thin, pressed bark smells strongly of dandelions and honey, and is covered with doodles of hearts, bunnies and squirrels.)

Dear Lathy,

How are you? I am fine! I hope everything is going well for your Druid club. Are you protecting the little animals and babies up there in Northrend? It's so COLD up there! And they have little noses and hooves and LITTLE TINY TAILS. If I were you, I would knit them all little wooly jumpers and tiny baby gloves for their cute itty bitty snuggy wuggy paws! MAYBE FOR THEIR TAILS, TOO!!

Anyway, things here are great! Well, they are okay. For a while they were kinda bummy. We were like, hanging out in Hyjal and the animals were eating berries and drinking water and being all adorable because THAT'S WHAT THEY DO. But then RAGNAROS (remember him?) was like RAWR I AM BACK and everyone was scared! And he was like RAWR IMMA BURN YOU FOREST and he lit all the trees on fire! AND ALL OF THE ANIMALS WERE SAD BECAUSE THAT IS THEIR HOME AND HE JUST USED THEIR HOME LIKE A CAMPFIRE. :C

So a bunch of us fled to Aessina's Grove, where the Firejerk's power couldn't get us. It was so sad, Lathy! I cried for like, FOREVER, because the woods were burning and I knew there were so many baby animals trapped and scared and they needed help! I could hear them crying and calling out for their mamas and papas! Crying out for help because they are so small and helpless! (Matoclaw says it was just the sound of the flames but WHAT DOES SHE KNOW.)

I would have gone and rescued them but there were these big fire monsters who were being totally mean and wouldn't let us near! A few druids tried to get in and find out what was going on, but the big fire meanies saw them and burned them! The poor druids had to run away, kitty pelts scorched and charred, bear fur all singed.

Things were looking really bad, Lathy. Really bad! I felt like my heart was going to break thinking of all the little fawns and bunnies and squirrels and cubs that were stuck in that awful heat! What if the ugly smoke was getting in their little adorable eyes? They would be blinking and their eyes would be all red and they would be CRYING!

Or what if the fire was making the rivers and lakes too hot to drink? How would the babies drink if the water was too hot, Lathy? HOW WOULD THEY DRINK?? THEY MUST BE SO THIRSTY.

Oh, poor crying thirsty babies! D:

Thank Elune that some brave heroes showed up and went into the fire and saved the little animals! They were so nice and kind, even though some of them were really ugly! I gave them a wreath made of flowers that I made all by myself and then I gave them ALL THE HUGS for being so great! Now the little babies were safe with their mamas and can grow up to be big and strong and cute and prancy! They were so happy to be safe, I could tell they were scared. Their little tails were twitching! OHMYELUNE they were ADORBS. So I laid down on the grass and snuggled them for like a day. DON'T WORRY BABIES, MYLUNE IS HERE, YOU ARE SAFE NOW!

But! but but but Lathy the babies are safe but THINGS ARE NOT PERFECT STILL. A human passing by the grove stopped to play with the animals (or repair his gear, but who cares about THAT) and told us what was going on in the rest of the world. And Lathy IT WAS HORRIBLE NEWS!!

It seems like soon all of those cutesy wutesy little animals and friends that have been traveling with these mortal adventurers will be ENSLAVED and forced to FIGHT in HORRIBLE GLADIATORIAL DEATHMATCHES!! :O :O :O :O :O

I am horrified! I am mad! I AM SAD!

It is so horrible! It is wrong and mean and CRUEL. How can they even think of doing this to our little woodland friends! What did those little darlings ever to do those mean adventurers, with their big nasty swords and ugly metal armor, OTHER THAN BE THEIR BEST FRIENDS? They kept them company in dark scary dungeons and this is how they repay them? WITH BLOOD?


Look at them! They are cute little cuddly furry balls of love, not WAR MACHINES. How can you pick up a tiny baby fawn and tell it to fight its friends? They are animals so they can't talk but if they could they would be going "Nooooo I DON'T WANT TO HIT MY BOSOM BUDDY!" They like to eat grass and hop and bounce and play together, NOT HURT THINGS. :(

And it's not even like, oh Mylune it is so sad we agree but we need their INFINITE CUTENESS to battle EVIL DARK SCARY MONSTERS because well then I might agree because CUTE TOTES > EVIL. But NO it is not like that AT ALL, they are making the little animals fight FOR THEIR OWN AMUSEMENT! I wish I could find the jerk who came up with this idea because I would stomp him to the ground! Meanie!

Oh Lathy, I can't stop crying! I love every critter. I love every kind of critter! I just want to hug all of them but I can't hug every critter! I think about how cute they are, and their ears and their whiskers and their noses. I just love them and I want them in a basket and I want little bow ties and I want them to be on a rainbow and in my Grove and I just want us to roll around.

SO, I know you are super busy with your Druid club way up there and I hope it is going great for you BUT WE REALLY NEED YOU BACK HOME LATHY. Just today I saw a Gnome run by with a little armadillo rolling after him. IT WAS ALL ROLLY-POLLY AND soooooooooo cute. But soon that little rolly guy will be forced to FIGHT FOR ITS LIFE with its little tiny paws and stubbly little tail!

I can't take it! Someone needs to do something! THE BABIES MUST BE SAVED!


Show/Hide Letter Notes

Mylune and her comically exaggerated cute quests were too funny not to do a Letter for. Her love of baby squirrels, bunnies, fawns, you name it - a great dose of sickeningly sweet fun in the midst of serious Mount Hyjal quests. The dialogue in these quests are great, too - you really get a solid impression that Mylune is all love and no brains. But hey, she LOVES THE ANIMALS!

Also, I didn't intend this, but when I was writing the letter I couldn't help but think how similar Mylune was to the "Can't hug every cat" girl of Youtube fame. If you don't know who this person is, here's a video - it's basically Mylune in real life!

11 Responses Subscribe to comments

  1. gravatar

    "OHMYELUNE they were ADORBS."

    ^^That pretty much just killed me. I mean, the whole thing is hilarious, but that line just really got me.

    November 1, 2011 at 12:39 PM

  2. gravatar

    I think you didn't use enough corn syrup. I've got a jar if you want some... ;-)

    November 1, 2011 at 2:10 PM

  3. gravatar

    welp. now when we're raiding you know what song is gonna be stuck in my head. Thx Rades >:(

    November 1, 2011 at 4:24 PM

  4. gravatar

    Very amusing and in character too. Thanks.

    November 1, 2011 at 4:33 PM

  5. gravatar

    I loved this so much. Rades, your voice for Mylune was SPOT ON! Can't wait to read the rest of the letters. Good luck with NaNo!

    November 1, 2011 at 6:46 PM

  6. gravatar

    Pure awesomeness. Now GO WRITE!

    November 1, 2011 at 9:45 PM

  7. gravatar

    amg, now I'm all worried about the cute and helpless critters. Brilliant letter, can't wait to read more.

    November 2, 2011 at 1:45 AM

  8. gravatar

    Ohhh that video is awesome :D

    And yeah, all love and no brains, she practically exudes squee.

    Wait, no, that sounds icky and wrong.

    November 2, 2011 at 3:08 AM

  9. gravatar

    I just died laughing. LOL.

    (Also, a little confused on the valley girl talk, BUT HEY. It works!)

    November 4, 2011 at 3:59 AM

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    "Adorbs"? Lol.

    Didn't expect the turn towards the pet battles, but it makes sense that that would upset her!

    And I immediately got the crazy cat lady reference, haha!

    November 13, 2011 at 9:35 AM

  11. gravatar

    This is blowing my mind. I love it! Well done :)

    November 16, 2011 at 6:54 PM