Minipost: The smartest Death Knight tank ever!


Fabulor's been making his way through the higher-level Northrend dungeons lately, and has been seeing a lot of Violet Hold (XEVOZZ), Gundrak (Trolls...:|) and Drak'Tharon Keep (MORE TROLLS. >:|).

Well, one Gundrak run, I knew it was going to be a good run when the DK tank (named...Undeaddeath...) had pulled the first room - the ENTIRE first room - before I had even dropped down, set my focus or cast Beacon. We quickly wiped, despite the brave efforts of our DPS Warrior to salvage the horrible situation.

Unsurprisingly, the tank started to give me grief as we ran back. I responded with logic, which also unsurprisingly, went initially unnoticed.

Tank: i always pull the whole room...
Fabulor: That's great, but I wasn't even there yet.
Tank: maybe if u could heal
Fabulor: You were half dead by the time I was even zoned in and down the stairs.
Tank: its not that hard
Fabulor: You're not listening.
Fabulor: YOU PULLED. BEFORE. I WAS EVEN. THERE.
Tank: o ok

Anyway, we continued on, and I noticed that this tank was quite squishy, more than any other tank I'd grouped with so far. I wasn't gasping for mana or anything, but I was having to actually work and always be casting something. I pondered this curiosity as we made our way to the second boss. I figured it was just because DK tanks tend to take spikier damage.

Then, as they were killing the statue trash before the second boss, I decided to inspect him.

There are no words.


I mean, PVP gear as a tank is one thing. But INTELLECT PVP GEAR? And not just like a single piece...BUT THE FULL EIGHT-PIECE SET.

My mind was blown.

Sadly, I was in such shock I neglected to screencap his reply, but he didn't even think that Intellect helped his diseases or abilities. No, he had simply "wanted the Stam." :|


Incidentally, his 35/0/0 Blood spec also has zero points in one of the entry-tier, core tanking talents, Blade Barrier.

His Strength was 276. His Intellect? 481. (Bonus: He also had 216 Spirit!) He was also using the on-use spellpower trinket, Cannoneer's Fuselighter.

He also had no Glyphs, but at this point, does it even matter?

In the end, I didn't vote kick him, despite his early churlishness and utter failure at life. Why? Because after I put aside my horror, I realized this was going to be GREAT healing practice. Remember when I wrote about the practical benefit you get from healing bad groups? This is EXACTLY what I had in mind. I mean really, if I can heal a "tank" wearing all Intellect gear, then I can pretty much heal anything.

(However, his dickishness means I feel no guilt about putting his name out here for public shaming.)

The dungeon finished with no further deaths, and Fabulor's healing muscles got a good workout. Of course, the oblivious DK closed the run in classic fashion:

"how was my tanking?"

16 Responses Subscribe to comments

  1. gravatar
    Hugh@MMOMeltingpot

    Obvious response: "Intellectual".

    September 26, 2011 at 10:33 AM

  2. gravatar
    wowmiri

    So I'm assuming you don't want to have fun and heal me in my holy gear in exchange for me healing you in Frost spec tank mode (or whatever it was we agreed on?)? Damn...

    September 26, 2011 at 10:41 AM

  3. gravatar
    Bronte

    Beat a level 70 Rogue in TBC bidding on hunter items because they had "agi and crit which are gud 4 roges n00b!"

    September 26, 2011 at 10:52 AM

  4. gravatar
    Truny

    Now I'm curious..was this guy using the proper tanking buttons? Did he have bone shield up all the time or try to proc his death strike properly? How was he at holding aggro? Perhaps he's actually a competent DK trying to troll people (successfully). Otherwise my mind is blown, I twitched when I saw the INT/SPI gear but ....the whole...set...!

    September 26, 2011 at 11:00 AM

  5. gravatar
    Darthregis

    Maybe he thought his Death Coil would hit for a metric shit-ton?

    September 26, 2011 at 11:14 AM

  6. gravatar
    Hestiah

    I am completely floored by this. I mean there isn't even a need or reason for a DK to be wearing anyting with Int on it. Ever. How... /facepalm

    September 26, 2011 at 12:00 PM

  7. gravatar
    Sarai

    Reminds me of the MM hunter that rolled on- and WON- a tanking gun (Thundercall, str/sta/parry) which my warrior really could have used (not that I'm bitter, mind you >.>). His reasoning? It was a "4% DPS BOOST FOR MM" (yes, in caps). I was more amazed by the fact that he got all the way to 85 with that kind of thinking than I was that he'd actually rolled on it.

    Oh, and the hunter? Did all of 7k dps for the entire heroic VP. Less than 5k on the final boss. Recount said he used Steady Shot all of 4 times in the ENTIRE INSTANCE.

    Ok, I'm done ranting. Sorry. :P

    September 26, 2011 at 12:11 PM

  8. gravatar
    Redbeard

    I live for players like that in BGs. They are tasty!!!!

    September 26, 2011 at 12:15 PM

  9. gravatar
    stubborn

    Fantastic. I love this kind of story, and the best part was, you didn't even make it a gripe; you found the bright (as in intellectual) side of things!

    Thanks for sharing!

    September 26, 2011 at 2:11 PM

  10. gravatar
    stubborn

    HATE thinking of something after I post -

    The only better ending could have been - and I get this after almost every bad tank run I get into - "Another?"

    September 26, 2011 at 2:12 PM

  11. gravatar
    Anonymous

    That's the spirit, Rades, but I do think you might be over-intellectualizing it a bit. After all, it's not like your hair got mussed.

    September 26, 2011 at 3:46 PM

  12. gravatar
    Rades

    @Truny - I really think he was just bad. His poor spec choices reflect it, and while he seemed to have an okay grasp on actual tanking mechanics, he was in no way great at them. If it was a troll, he was VERY convincing!

    @Darth - No! He didn't think Int helped his abilities. I mean, if he had, at least there would have been some terrible logic behind his decision. He simply went for Stam, regardless of what else was on those pieces. :|

    September 26, 2011 at 4:58 PM

  13. gravatar
    Typhoonandrew

    These players need to learn it properly or leave. I can carry a dps, but I cant carry a tank.

    Agi Ax, Int gear... just horrid, when the AH has better greens.

    September 26, 2011 at 6:33 PM

  14. gravatar
    The Godmother

    Thank you for making me laugh :D

    I suppose you could give snacks for having an 8 piece bonus ^^

    September 27, 2011 at 12:03 AM

  15. gravatar
    iinteger

    But... at least it's all plate. Terrible plate, but plate. I healed a DK in BRC once... he was wearing a leather heirloom chest and helm, complemented by a complete mishmash of cata greens. Heaven only knows how he passed the ilevel check.

    Healed him all the way too, because in the ultimate show of skill > gear, he was somehow still a pretty good tank.

    September 27, 2011 at 8:57 AM

  16. gravatar
    Mia

    I just made a post called "Stats are for Noobs" and I mentioned your post in it. :P At first, I forgot where I had heard of a Death Knight in PvP Intellect gear. Then I happen to search through your blog and found it! Absolutely love this post.

    October 11, 2011 at 1:01 PM