Bonked! [NaNoWriMo]

Dear Citizens of Dalaran,

We have learned of a recent string of transmutational transgressions that have taken place over the last few weeks, and wish to inform you that we of the Kirin Tor take all reports of arcane abuse very seriously. Our best investimages and scryers (the diviners, not the Blood Elves in Shattrath) are diligently investigating the matter.

We realize that being polymorphed (commonly referred to as "sheeping" or "manabonking") without the appropriate consent can be very unsettling, and we are working hard to identify and apprehend the culprit. The Kirin Tor would like to remind its citizens that while these incidents technically do not break any of the official Polymorphic Rules & Regulations, it is a blatantly irresponsible act of conjuration cruelty that, in addition to having potentially disastrous consequences, is very rude.

Unfortunately, at this point in time we have very few leads, as no one has actually witnessed the illicit invoker committing the crime. The criminal seems to possess powerful stealth or vanishing capabilities, as numerous manabonked victims have quickly spun about in anger to confront their arcane assailant, only to find nothing but an empty street behind them. We do know, however, that the suspect is male, for victims have reported hearing fading echoes of a distinctly male voice, giggling uncontrollably. As a result, we have begun closely monitoring certain individuals with a known history of similar offenses, but have yet to find any solid evidence that could lead to an arrest.

Furthermore, we have not yet discerned a recognizable pattern to the criminal's activities, as both Horde and Alliance citizens have fallen victim to these arcane ambushes. However, we believe that the villain targets lone victims who seem preoccupied or lost in thought, then follows them at a safe distance until their prey is alone, at which point he delivers the sheepish surprise.

If you think you have any information that could lead to the apprehension of this aberrant abjurer, or if you have been manabonked against your will and wish to file an official incident report, please do not hesitate to contact myself, Archmage Timear, or any other official Kirin Tor representative.

Do not worry, honorable Dalaranians. The Kirin Tor will not rest until this meddlesome mischief maker has been brought to justice! I foresee the Violet Hold in his future!

Chief Security and Magical Misconduct Officer,

Show/Hide Letter Notes

Pertinent Lore:

The Mischief Maker - the item Minigob sends you, as well as his letter bragging about it!

Nothing deep or hidden in this one! Just shedding some light on one of WotLK's quirky NPC's that I'm sure a lot of people didn't know existed.

If you're standing around in Dalaran, you can be randomly polymorphed by this gnome mage, who will then cackle and teleport away. A bit later, you'll get a wand in the mail, which you can use to "manabonk" someone in Dalaran, once. It's a fun little easter egg.

As to the tone of the letter, I thought it'd be hilarious to write it up like a police report. Being manabonked against your will, improper use of transmutation magic, etc. Lots of flavor! :D

I was also tickled to be able to use the Polymorphic Rules & Regulations, which is a book that really does exist in-game! I also threw in as many different types of magic and alliteration as I could think of, while still maintaining an officious, legal style, to add to the comedic feel.

As for who was in charge of this investigation? Well, someone associated with the Violet Hold would be good. But who? Archmage Timear, of course! He's not doing anything anymore, since they removed his daily quests where you had to kill specific mobs in certain dungeons. He was perfect for the job! (Plus I got to use this "I foresee..." line.)

The one thing I was slightly concerned with was if anyone would equate "being manabonked against your will" to sexual assault, and get offended. :| Thankfully, no no one did!

2 Responses Subscribe to comments

  1. gravatar

    Ahahaha. I think this may be my favourite letter so far. >_>

    November 9, 2010 at 12:14 AM

  2. gravatar

    Aww it's only lasting a short time. Leave the gnome alone, Timear! You non-druids just don't understand shapeshifting.


    November 9, 2010 at 5:44 AM