Farewell, my loyal bank alt!

EDIT: Okay, more important than the retirement of some silly bank alt is the sad news that Gnomeaggedon is hanging up his arcane boots because of the Real ID/forum disaster and how it would endanger his career. There's been no shortage of discussion about the forum changes but who cares - this is a great loss to the WoW blogging community. Bye Gnomer! :(

A few months ago I wanted to make a new character but had no character slots free. So it was with a heavy heart that I sadly deleted my second-oldest character on Drenden, a level 12 Tauren druid named Moonpaw. He'd been my bank alt since May 2008, churning out profits and faithfully managing his ever-full mailbox and guild bank.

So I present to you a look back at the long, quiet life of a loyal banker.

*insert weepy music here*

Here is Moonpaw as a fresh young cow, only half an hour into his young life but already on the job! He is arriving in Booty Bay to peruse the neutral AH (and probably transfer some items cross-faction.) At this point in time, Rades was level...5.

He returned to the grassy plains of Mulgore a few days later and leveled up to level 5, so he could learn Enchanting and be my Strange Dust factory. Truly it was a tiresome life he led.

A month later he hit level 6! In...Tanaris, of all places, desecrating the Alliance flame! Level 6, flagged for PVP combat, in a level 40-50 zone. Apparently in addition to having a great love of money he was also THE BRAVEST TAUREN EVER. (Rades was level 44 at this time.)

3 months later, he found himself across the globe in the Ruins of Silvermoon, beating up Wretched Urchins and Manawraiths. He spent a few hours there, attaining level 8, before retiring back to his regular position at the Thunder Bluff mailbox.

Another 3 months went by. A shady deal brokered in the shadows of the Sepulcher led to Moonpaw hitting level 9, and then 10, in the span of mere seconds. Nobody knows what the extent of this crooked bargain truly entailed, but since that day Moonpaw took to wearing a ghastly Jack-o-Lantern mask, never removing it until the day he retired.

Six months passed, and it was time for the Midsummer Fire Festival again! Moonpaw took full advantage and gained an impressive two whole levels by masterfully juggling and tossing torches. He also earned enough blossoms to purchase the awesome-looking Vestment of Summer to round out his outfit.

Over the next few months, he continued to add other cool-looking garments to his ensemble, such as the Lovely Charm Bracelet, and the sweet-looking Apprentice's Staff, imported from far-off "Silvermoon" Harry in Northrend.

Nine more months passed and Moonpaw continued to churn out the profits. By my estimation he handled at least 60k, disenchanted over 500 low level greens, had a bank guild with two tabs, and had a hobby - collecting the seasonal event starter quests! It was pretty funny looking at his map and seeing all the long-expired locations where he could supposedly hand in the "go see so-and-so to celebrate X holiday!" quests.

However, his time slowly came to an end. When I decided to delete him, I had other bank characters who had taken over portions of his responsibilities. Younger, faster characters, with Aspect of the Cheetah and shiny new level 20 mounts. Poor Moonpaw just couldn't keep up. His slow, plodding Tauren jog from the mailbox to Auctioneer Stampi began taking longer and longer.

So in March this year, it was with sad fondness that Moonpaw retired, his work complete. I imagine he's resting his weary legs about Thunder Bluff, enjoying the sun and warmth instead of collecting coins and purchases.

Good work Moonpaw, you made excellent business investments and allowed Rades, Mardak and my other characters to live comfortably wealthy lives.

(Though I'm STILL stuck with the TWO Gunblades you bought...I swear, I'm never going to be able to offload those.)

3 Responses Subscribe to comments

  1. gravatar
    Disciplinary Action

    Farewell, noble Moonpaw!

    One wonderful thing about being off the grid for so long is coming back to an enormous repository of your hilarious posts; this one actually made me sadly nostalgic for my own banker (go gently into that night, Banquetta!).

    July 14, 2010 at 2:38 AM

  2. gravatar

    Aww, this is so sad *sniff* I hope Moonpaw is enjoying his retirement...

    July 14, 2010 at 4:39 PM

  3. gravatar

    I hope Moonpaw will enjoy all this time off!

    I know how you feel about deleting a bank character though... I've had Anea's banker for... forever, it seems like. She's the second character on my list after Anea and throughout all the alts, she's always been there.

    Just two weeks ago, I had rolled a druid (to see what the bear thing was all about) and then I wanted to roll my rogue. Oops, no character slots!

    Lus helpfully pointed out my level 1 banker and said I should just delete her and make one of my now-defunct alts my banker, but I couldn't do it.

    I deleted the bear.

    July 14, 2010 at 9:11 PM