Time for a good old failpug story! Or rather, a story about a pug that tried its hardest to become a failpug but failed because me and two others refused to let it, through sheer force of will, determination, and seething, intense rage.

The heroic was Utgarde Pinnacle. There was myself (Rades), a paladin tank, a DPS druid (in bear form), a resto druid (...also in bear form), and a DK. The two druids and the DK were both in the same guild. The druids...also had almost identical names, something like Blackboil and Blackboyle.

Sometimes you can just smell the failpug coming, can't you?

The pally buffed us up and turned to the druids. "DRUID BUFF??" he inquired. The healer responded by immediately disconnecting. The other druid buffed us and asked that we give the disconnected druid a moment. "JUST OFFHEAL" politely suggested the tank as he went barreling in. The (feral) druid gamely kept us alive in the first pull, and then quickly switched to his offspec which was surprisingly, restoration! Maybe this wouldn't be so bad?

By the time we reached Svala the tank started getting surly about the still-DC'd druid. The remaining druid & DK apologized for their absent guildie though, and asked us to be patient, so he grumpily consented. Svala went down easily, then after downing Gortok, the paladin ran off and started the Skadi event. We were 20 seconds into the fight when we noticed the DK was still standing back in the other room, having ninja-AFK'd. "WTF R U AFK FUUUUUUUCK" queried the paladin as he and the druid ate a whirlwind and died. Skadi stomped up and pulverized my wolf (I feigned), and then to my great amusement, ran all the way down the hall into Gortok's room to seek the AFK DK and crush him.

A spew of enraged curses directed at the druid's guildies burst from the paladin as they ran in, and I cringed, expecting the worst. Then to make matters worse, while they ran back we decided to finally kick the long-DC'd druid.

THIS WAS A MISTAKE.

We kicked him, then realized to our horror that we couldn't requeue...because when we selected our party roles, the AFK DK wasn't there to choose a role, making the queue fail.

The paladin started stroking out at this turn of events, and I thought for sure that would be it. However the pally wasn't about to let two "dick cheeses" ruin HIS run, so we continued on and three-manned Skadi and Ymiron with a little caution and crowd control. The whole time, the paladin continued to get ANGRIER and ANGRIER at the missing people - it felt like we were dangerously close to reaching his own personal enrage timer.

Thankfully, the rest of the run went smoothly, despite only having 3 people. I inspected the druid after Ymiron went down and saw that he had been doing a much better job than I had thought - 75% of his gear was feral gear, with a spattering of spellpower blues and greens.

Even after completing this hell run did the mystery AFK DK continue to haunt us, since we had to wait the full loot timer for him to "pass" on the loot. At this point, the paladin succinctly summarized the entire run by announcing "oh well need to take a shit anyway," and then went AFK. A suitable ending.